It has been forever since I have written a post on here. This summer and last year has flown by so fast. So much has happened that has broken our hearts and in the deeper sense, we know more and more that our home is not here.Spiritually, we have been utter wrecks. Somedays we feel like caring about things and others, we are just here. We got a major surprise in May when we had our first ultrasound and it was discovered that we were having twins. Such a blessing, such a story of redemption. We have heard all of the congrats and are very appreciative, "God called your baby home and gave you two in her place". Sometimes, people say things that are so true but our hearts are so heavy and in such disarray that we can't see through the pain. But, two babies, two baby girls....how can those little lives be anything but a blessing. I don't think they were given in place of Elli, rather, just an additional blessing. Nothing can take the place of our little girl!!
We were in the Christian bookstore over the weekend and I stumbled across this little grave ornament that said, "You are loved!". I about couldn't keep it, emotions, in check. It's like sometimes I forget is okay to still miss her and love her. Moving on is such a necessary but hard thing to do. So, this is getting way to deep and emotional but such is life........
It has seemed the assumption that Judah doesn't get what was missing when Elli passed. You know, being a parent of small children, we now understand why Jesus was so set on children not being kept away from Him. Sometimes in our ignorance, we assume that children just "don't" get it when, in fact, sometimes they are the only one's who do get it. Judah. Such a wild and crazy kid but such a lover. We went to a birthday party at a waterpark recently. Let me tell you, that little boy is such a shepherd when it comes to little girls. Everyone thought that he was "sweet" on them. This one family, they had a little girl who was probably 18 months old. Judah followed her around everywhere. She started to walk out of the park, he stood infront of her. She went to fall down, he was there to help her up. She looked at him, he got down on his knees and smiled at her. Sometimes, I can't help but think the Lord does the same thing with us. Just when everyone thinks he doesn't get it, Judah is right there showing that he knows what he is missing out on and he wants it back so badly. Just when we think He doesn't get it, He shows us through something so simple that He does get it and He hasn't left our side.
Our family friend and constant support, Aunt Sarah helped Corban make a gift for all of us for the baby shower. Corban drew picutres of her family. She drew her PawPaw, Grammy, Me, Jess(with a round belly, lol), Corban, Judah, Elli, the twins(Asher and Adlai) and then she went on to draw Grandmother Connie and Papa Charlie. We sit down and read, not often enough, but we do. Without failing, we always read a book that is covered in good morals and virtue. It never fails, we look to see who it was from and it was from Grandma Connie and PaPa Charlie. It is amazing how quickly children learn the value of relationships. Corban drew what and who was important to her. Such a sweet girl. I am including a pic from one of the t-shirts.
I guess in the end, I have learned a lot from my kids. To keep loving and keep remembering what was and is to come.......it isn't over yet. We still have work to do and throwing in the towel just yet isn't an option for them and it isn't an option for us either.
Lots of love from the Hutchersons!
Jessica, Jeremiah, Corban, Judah, Elli, Asher, and Adlai
(never thought I'd write that many names out for our family)
